I said yes...Trying to figure out just how much you need to spend to kick off an engagement can be tricky even when you are not in fear of losing your job. Nowadays, it is just plain scary to drain your bank account so that you can encrust a piece of expensive circular metal with even more expensive shiny rocks. Unfortunately for you, that is kind of how the world works. Look at it this way, at least you get to pee standing up…. But like everything else in this life, it will cost you.

Now depending on how realistic, compassionate, understanding, crazy your prewife is, pretty much dictates the proportion of what’s in your bank account you get to spend on her new accessory. Even better would be if your bank account is empty. Then you can plead with her that you have no money and the credit card company lowered your credit maximum down to say…$1,000… what’s that, she knows you have more then one card?…you, my friend are screwed.

You can always try talking to her about tough times and the need to conserve every penny and would she perhaps consider this ring you got from the cracker jack box…Make sure you tell her about its secret decoder capability. Maybe she can find a way to decode “cheap bastard”…

You could go the other route and just buy a cubic zirconium ring and lie your ass off to her that “money is no object, even in these trying times”… even though the ring cost $300 for 2 carats worth of zirconium. You could even go with the new wave of engagement rings. Turning ashes of loved ones into diamonds! Nothing says “I love you” more then giving your girl grammy’s ashes that have been compressed into a shining stone of love.  Gram’s will probably enjoy getting off the mantle anyways.

As you can see there are lots of ways to depress impress the love of your life in these trying times. But, if all else fails, you can always use the nuclear option and guilt her out of a large ring with such phrases as: “I thought you loved me for who I am not what I can buy you” or my favorite ” If you measure the depth of your love for me by the price of the engagement ring that I can afford, then perhaps I should think about whether you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

One word of caution: If you use the above in an attempt to reason with the  girlfriend, then make sure to keep your match.com account paid up. You might be needing it very soon.

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