I was talking with a friend the other day who has received THE ultimatum from his girlfriend. She has decreed over text message the seventh inning stretch, that he has three to six months in which to shit propose or get off the pot she’ll move out of their current living situation.
Apparently, her sentiments were exacerbated by my own proposal to the PreWife. It is one thing to tell friends over the phone or via email that you got engaged and then enjoy the thanks from her father and praise from them for your happy occasion. It is quite another thing entirely to meet up with your paired off friends and find that after the women are done oogling the .005 carat huge rock on your PreWife’s finger, they tend to look at their own Men and make a determination that either it is time to move on and get engaged or it is time to move out. Ouch!
So, what’s a guy to do? Plenty! Really, it is easy. If you love to have sex with her cause she is freaky in bed her, well then my friend step the the plate and prepare to have your nuts stuffed, mounted and displayed over her side of the bed. It’s not that bad really. The hardest part is making the transition from free swinging single guy life to the Honey Do list. So in preparation to separate yourself from your freedom singledom I have prepared a list of things to delete, burn or toss.
- “Twinkly” rope lights tacked to the top of you apartment wall – keep them around in case things go south. I mean single chicks dig twinkly lights don’t they?
- Old unused Condoms – They don’t work anyway…remember? She is on the pill isn’t she?
- Naked pictures of you ex-girlfriends – This one is a toughy. If the ex is really hot then keep it for the spank bank. If not then delete, delete, delete.
- Season tickets to the local sports collective – Those bleacher seats tix sucked anyway
- Your hot women friends – She will never understand that “she is like a sister to me, really…” Riiiiggghhtt
What to do if you are not sure that dropping a rock for the current woman is worth it? I think the folks at Psycology Today have some good advice
Don’t be scared to head for the hills if it feels like the right thing to do. Embarrassment and wasted expenses—common excuses for ignoring frosty tootsies—are a small price to pay when avoiding a breakup down the road.
5 Comments Received
June 7th, 2008 @3:24 pm
Yeah, this situation is pretty scary, gotta admit. And by pretty scary I mean absolutely, completely terrifying. The whole idea of an ultimatum is really weird too. I mean, if she loves you, why would she say marry me within x months or we’re breaking up.
June 8th, 2008 @3:56 am
Take this from where it is coming from: a woman…
The reason for the ultimatum is jealousy and greed. They are jealous of their friend’s good fortune and want it for themselves.
Another reason is insecurity. A secure woman wouldn’t give you an ultimatum like that.
That being said, it would be the biggest mistake of your life to give in and marry for the wrong reasons.
Call her bluff, state how you would prefer to marry because you really wanted to and it was the right time in your life to do it and not because someone twisted your arm or held a gun to your head.
If she is serious about leaving you and does, consider yourself lucky that you didn’t marry her. If you had, that would have been the first in a long line of manipulating situations that would lead you down the road of unhappiness & destruction, and eventually divorce.
Now, what to get rid of…
If your wife-to-be doesn’t like the twinkly lights, you are with the wrong woman…go find someone who has similar tastes to yours or who at least believes in compromise & peace keeping.
Keep those season tickets! If you have to get rid of those, you will eventually have to give up watching the sports on tv, as well. Don’t give in and destroy your hobbies or what brings you joy. I wouldn’t give up programming for a man, and I wouldn’t expect him to give up football for me.
And the hot female friends? Keep those as well. You want a woman that is secure enough not to be bothered by the thought of you having friends of the opposite sex that even though they are attractive, you are not attracted to them. A secure woman doesn’t worry about where her man’s eyes are and wouldn’t even mind him going to a strip club with his guy friends. A secure woman has complete trust in her man.
Also, you want a woman that has respect for you. One that thinks she has any right to decide who you can & can’t have for a friend, doesn’t have that. You think I gave up all my guy friends for my husband? No way! If I did, I wouldn’t have any friends left at all. (most women are annoying and I can’t stand to be in the same room with them, let alone have a conversation with them, and besides…most women can’t code)
You will know when you are with the right woman and when the right time to pop the question is. You will feel it in your heart without anyone having to point it out, beg, threaten, or anything else to encourage you to propose. In fact, they would have a hard time stopping you from proposing.
So, follow your heart.
June 12th, 2008 @6:12 am
If any woman ever gives you a stupid ultimatum like that, dump her ass immediately! Keep your balls and don’t be a little pussy-boy. You are the man.
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